Parenting Twins & Keeping Them Unique

I suspect that parents of twins are the first to recognize that, regardless of DNA similarities, the children are different. Each child is unique.

I get bombarded by well-meaning folks (ALOT) bent on asking “are they identical, how do you tell them apart, how do you get anywhere on time, it must be so fun to dress them up!” Just today, at the mall, we had no sooner entered the double doors into Macy’s department store did I catch the eyes of presumably a husband and wife…they zero-ed right in on us as we walked into the store, first with a studying glance at each of the girls, then at me, followed by a smile and then finally stopped right in front of us to begin asking the ever-familiar questions that after 3 years I know so well. While all this is indeed part of the joy of raising twins I often find myself thinking that it’s important to recognize and highlight them as individuals. And, while I always entertain a curious onlookers’ questions, I do find myself thinking quietly about how they are not just a pair of children but two separate children. Granted, my being mindful of their twin-ness and individuality does very little to quell the barrage of questions from well-meaning friends and strangers, but it will hopefully do wonders in the coming years as my husband and I help to build the self-esteem in each of our girls.

I suspect that twins realize very early the unique nature of their relationship and come to rely heavily on one another. I have seen this time and time again with Paige and Taylor. Each has their own gifts and unique traits and while I want to help them cherish their special relationship, I also want them to celebrate their identities and uniqueness as individuals too. In my experience, what has worked for one doesn’t work for the other; so I simply try to help each child meet goals and milestones specific to them.

I find that I often celebrate the joys and successes that are important to them, individually. For example, Taylor is doing a stellar job potty-ing on the “big girl” potty. Just within the last couple of days, for the first time since we embarked upon this whole potty-training adventure, Taylor said, “I need to go pee-pee.” THAT was a first – Taylor telling me she needed to go potty. Now, Paige on the other hand, has responded a little more slowly and reluctantly to potty-training; however, Paige did have an exciting first just yesterday. As she was playing in the living room, suddenly she dropped drawers and took off running to the bathroom. She didn’t quite make it to the potty and instead piddled on the floor next to her “big girl” potty. Understand though that from a little girl who has been very resistant to potty-training, that was a HUGE success! I praised both Taylor and Paige equally – Taylor for telling me she needed to go for the first time and Paige for knowing where to go for the first time (in the bathroom versus her previous potty-ing locations – our sofa pillows, our couch, at the kitchen table, etc. etc.)

I also find that as time continues to go by, I gain greater understanding of the joys and suffering of raising twins like no other. It truly can be wonderful. Some days, it can be horribly tiring. I’ll certainly never forget the “twin-screaming” days and nights when Paige and Taylor just wouldn’t let up…but, I also reap the awesome love they share with me and with each other. In short, while my kids do indeed drive me crazy, that is totally normal with twins. I have also learned not to let the difficult times outweigh the joy. Admittedly, this can be tough, especially after sleepless nights, constant crying, sick kids, sibling rivalry, laundry, diapers, potty-training.….you get the picture!